Close on Day 2!

January 12, 2010

Greetings from the end of the second day!

Today was a very challenging day to say the least. I woke up with a head ache that increased throughout the day and eventually I had to take some Advil to make it go away! I was craving some really good foods like seaweed, rice and tofu with teriyaki… I resisted the temptations to eat and stuck to my guns and said no matter what it takes “I’m Following Through With This!!! Just by doing that little thing made and still makes me feel real good.

I worked today, usually I eat while I’m working to keep up energy and not stop for lunch which usually takes more time. Today while working I was craving the weirdest stuff…BUT I once again said NO! After work I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few necessities and while in there I started to want food…It’s amazing how much control I’ve let food have over my life…NO MORE!

Last night after I posted I had an interesting experience. I spoke to an acquaintance that in times past our relationship was rocky to say the least. When this person came to me and wanted to chat I literally froze and the only way I can describe how I felt is it was like a wave of emotions hitting me so hard it felt like someone slapped me in the face. I felt anxious and my heart rate went up and I had no clue what I was going to do. Apparently I had gotten used to the way we interacted and when this person finally left my life the re-entrance was harsh.

No more will I let any one have that much negative control over my life and actions. This will end here. My life is changed and I’m Moving Forward!

Thank you for being here to let all my feelings out…

Yours

38 more days of water fasting! 78 more says till my transformation!

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Making Changes…Day 1

January 11, 2010

So here I am at the end of my first day of water fasting. I have to say it’s been rather calm and smooth and I’ve only had a small bit of desire to have food about an hour ago and that’s it.

I’ve weighed in at 240lbs this morning and I hope to weigh in again every Sunday to see my progress. The reason I don’t want to check every day is because I want this to be about mental health and not just the weight loss. Mental health has brought me this far and I like how it feels, it’s all good!

A little bit that’s going on in my life today. My very dear friend just asked me to be a part of her wedding! Yeah I’m so excited! Even though they expect me to look the same for their wedding I think that this will be a pleasant surprise to them. I couldn’t help smiling to myself thinking that my weight won’t be a damper to pictures or the choice of wedding attire. I can just be me and be a healthy me!

Makes me think that one day my hard work will pay off and I’ll be walking down the aisle soon enough…I’ve never had a significant other so I’ll be excited when that day comes.

39 more days of water fasting! 79 more days of Transformation.

Pre-Start

January 9, 2010

Apprehension and excitement are the precursor feelings going on inside me. I can’t really believe that in 80 days I’ll be the person I’ve always wanted to be!

Well Spoken words… Embrace the adventure. That’s my motto.

The Beginning

January 8, 2010

I entitle this blog 80 days – Transformation for several different reasons. The main reason being that a habit is broken or created in 28 days or repeated 28 times consecutively.

This is the beginning of my transformation. No on in my sphere of friends or family knows I’m about to embark on the most trying and strenuous journey of my entire life. Talk is cheat but actions speak louder than words.

There may not be pictures for a while just because of the aspect of anonymity and safety in knowing no one knows who I am. I may at some point in these next few weeks add some audio blogging instead of writing, sometimes I can say the things better in words than in writing. Here goes:

For the next 80 days I am going to start my transformation, follow through with the promise to myself to change, and end it all with a completely different me. First I will go on a 40 day water only fast starting on Sunday the 10th. Then as I come off the fast I will retrain my brain and body into a healthier and more positive lifestyle.

For 25 years now I have been what the world calls overweight, I’ve suffered rejection and hurt because of the way I appeared to people. In defense of myself I turned the negative to a positive and am very happy and jolly most of the time. This being the outside, inside I’m still hurting and there’s a lot of unresolved issues that literally festered and finally came to the surface.

A little over two years ago I began a change in me that was started by someone who was very important in my life. Whether or not the beginning was done in a correct manner, I had started on the right path to change. For two years now I’ve made amazing progress in the change of my character and mental stability as a person.

Just recently I’ve been seeing a health psychologist because I finally had the self-awareness moment that ‘yes’ I do have a problem and negative attachment to food. When everything and everyone lets you down an Oreo is still and Oreo. Food was my way of getting the love and attention that I was lacking and subsequently craving therefore the terrible habit began. Even though I wanted to change myself, I needed the love and affection from somewhere and I felt fulfillment with food, well at least for a while. Then I came to the stark realization that my desire for food was counter-intuitive to the change I wanted to make, a better healthier me. Thus this is the starting point I’m at and hope to finish.

I will weigh in every week starting on Sunday as well as posting daily journals and updates.

Wish me luck and wish me well.

Yours.